You say there's always gonna be this thing
Between us days are filled with dreams
Scorpions crawl across my screen
Make their home beneath my skin
Underneath my dress stick their tongues
Bite through the flesh down to the bone
And I have been so fuckin' alone
Since those three days

Did you only want me for those three days?
Did you only need me for those three days?
Did you love me forever
just for those three days?

You built a nest inside my soul
You rest your head on leaves of gold
You managed to crawl inside my brain
You found a hole and in you came
You sleep like a baby breathing
Comfortably between truth and pain
But the truth is nothing's been the same
Since those three days

"I want to let you in on a secret. I'm not who you think I am. In fact, my disguise is so thin I'm surprised you haven't seen right through me. I'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend. Sometimes I want to rip off the façade like I did at the spring formal. But I can't because you'll get scared and you'll run away again. So I decided that it's better to live with the lie than expose my true feelings. My dad said there are two types of girls -- the ones you grow out of and the ones you grow into. I really hope I'm the latter. I may not be the one you love today, but I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me. Because I think you're worth the wait."

NJ Ghost Hunters Society is meeting November 29th in the library. This...is so cool.
I've wanted to join for a while now, but I didn't want to go to the meetings out wherever they were held before by myself. Now...all I have to do is stay at work and since my mom works on Monday nights till 9...yeah this is just cool.
I'm excited :D

Halloween...

It's cold and it's raining and it's annoying me because tomorrow is Halloween and HELLO MOTHER NATURE I CAN'T PUT UP MY DECORATIONS IN THE RAIN!!!!
I checked www.weather.com and it said that it's supposed to partly cloudy and 68 degrees tomorrow. I have to work from 2-5 so I better wake up early and do it or I'm gonna not get it done at all.
I'm going on vacation in like 2 weeks. Nov 13-17. I'm flying JetBlue and I leave from JFK which kind of sucks because I'm trying to get my mom to drive me there at like 3am since it takes like 329429347 hours to get there in all the construction and other random nonsense bullshit.
I'm at work now...so bored. Someone keeps calling the office phone and I don't know if I should answer it or not. If it's someone who works here, they should know to call the other line...unless no one shut off the voice mail.
Anyways...it's freezing and I'm cold and tired and I want to go back to bed and curl up under the covers and sleep.
On another note...GTA: San Andreas is amazing.
I love it.

ciao
xoxo ;*

painted from memory

Since you put me down

It seems

I've been very gloomy

You may laugh

But pretty boys look right through me.

elvis

Don't read so much into things...

I want this song to be the song that touches you the most. I want this song to be the song that makes you cry your eyes out every night I lay awake. For everyone it feels the same, replace her face, immune the pain... another shadow in a flame. I want this heart to be the heart that you will break the most. I want the chance to make it last but realize it wont. Rip it out, pin it against the wall. It looks so nice bleeding there, like artwork even. In the middle an empty broken frame...every piece remains unchanged. 21 years went by without a valentine, 21 years of crying out my stupid fucking eyes. 21 summers with an empty void inside. 21 winters with no whites in my eyes. 21 autumns with frigid cold hands, and 21 springtimes with myself to smell the flowers in bloom. 21 years without you.

So last night I went over to my brother's house. Hung out with him and Jess and Mike for a bit. Mike is hot and really nice. He shared his blanket with me because we were sitting on the couch by the window. There was a draft coming in under the AC and it was like 45 degrees outside. I was there till about 12 when we started watching the Recruit. Al Pacino and Colin Farrell :d...
So we get to the part in the movie where Colin's character has just called Al's on the payphone after being at the boxing gym and Jess said she had to go to bed cause she had to wake up for a field hockey game at like 8ish. So of course my brother says he's going to bed too, thus leaving me alone with Mike. Did I mention Mike is hot? Anyways...I would've gladly stayed, although I don't know Mike very well and he's picky about girls (so my brother says-which leaves me out since I'm not usually the kind of girl "picky" guys go for). So I left, leaving poor Mike all alone to watch the movie on this huge ass big screen tv (which was not there the last time I was over...and I really don't know who bought it). Any-hoo...I had a good time. Much better than sitting in my room staring at the computer screen wondering about someone and why they won't talk to me. Tonight is the game. I'm bringing my new camera and it's going to be fun. Maybe I'll go back to the house afterwards since I don't have to work tomorrow (Thank God).

Smile.

I try...over and over again to make him see me.
I want him to see me.
I want him to hold me in his arms.
I just...want him to tell me everything I want to hear.
It's just something that's tucked away in my head.
Something that would be really nice if it ever happened.
But it won't.
Because he doesn't.
He doesn't see me.
He doesnt want me.
He will never say those words I want to hear.
I just want someone to love me.
I'm reaching out to people I normally wouldn't.
I'm acting in ways I normally wouldn't.
*sigh*
I don't even know anymore.
I'm about to give up everything.
I'm about to give up caring about everything.
Just....done.

just..me

So...I took this thing
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
and the paragraphs below is my result...and yes...it's just...simply me.
iNFj
The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and directive and introverted in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors have strong empathic abilities and can become aware of another's emotions or intentions -- good or evil -- even before that person is conscious of them. This "mind-reading" can take the form of feeling the hidden distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types to comprehend. Even Counselors can seldom tell how they came to penetrate others' feelings so keenly. Furthermore, the Counselor is most likely of all the types to demonstrate an ability to understand psychic phenomena and to have visions of human events, past, present, or future. What is known as ESP may well be exceptional intuitive ability-in both its forms, projection and introjection. Such supernormal intuition is found frequently in the Counselor, and can extend to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come, as well as uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

the Joyce has struck again...

Watch out for this woman. She is armed with a bitchy attitude and is always ready to make a kid cry. One child even wrote a paper for school on "the mean lady at the library". She's famous for being rude to even the nicest of people. Be on the lookout.

has the world come to this?

These are supposed to be love spells. I was linked to them from the little welcome window that pops up when you sign on AIM or AIM express. I was fairly amused, but it's sad that people will actually pay money for a "psychic" to cast a spell on someone for this. For these particular ones, you pay $19.95 and provide the name of the object of your affection and a certain psychic will send you a letter in the mail saying exactly when they will be casting the spell on said person. Then you wait for them to ravage you. *eye-roll*

These are powerful words for you:
I want your love and your friendship. But more than that, I want you to desire me like no other. I want you to feel the heat running through your veins, and I want you to have strong, uncontrollable thoughts about holding me, caressing me, making love to me. When you think of me, your temperature will soar and lustful thoughts will fill your mind so that no matter what you’re doing you’ll be distracted and not be able to get me out of your mind. Think of me as you would a wild, carefree lover. And don’t hold back the lust you have in your heart. I’m yours – completely, totally yours. I want you to lust for me until you can barely stand it. I want you to rush into my arms the moment you see me, to fulfill so many of your fantasies. Let’s experience what others merely dream of. Let’s do it.
-Lust for me and you’ll be happily surprised at what I can do for you.
-Lust for me and we’ll be the envy of every one who knows us.
-Lust for me and we’ll live an incredible life together.
-Lust for me and make our world complete.

Here's another one called "the unconditional love spell":

-Love me like no other.
-Love me unconditionally.
-Be faithful and never be interested in another.
-Understand me. Know that I love you more than you’ll ever know.
Do you want the love of your life to have a strong desire to make you happy, desire you, take care of you? Do you want them to be deliriously happy and want to be with you night and day – forever?
You deserve to have the love of your life feel that you are the best thing to ever happen to them. You deserve to be happy, to feel wanted, cherished, adored.
You are not asking too much to want to see a spark in their eyes whenever they look at you. To be crazy about you. To give you their friendship, their lust, their love. And you want it unconditionally! No strings attached. No hesitation, no remorse, no doubts about you whatsoever.
And once you receive all that you deserve – their affection, their remarkable attention and devotion to you – you will make this very special person the happiest, most contented person on the face of the earth. All you ask is for your lover to give you unconditional love, and you will give them the world!

haha...maybe I'll try one and see if they work.

anything you ask of me...

All I want, all I ever wanted
Just one kiss, just one touch
You are my angel, my safety
I reach for you when I'm alone
You take me in your arms
You hold me until I am calm
Anything you ask of me
You know I will glady do
You've saved me from demons,
From harm, time and again
Now I ask one thing of you
A mere touch of your lips to mine
I'm sure that's all it is to you
To me it's everything I've dreamed of
With that I will be happy
Happiest I've been in a long while
Thank you
My angel, for watching over me.

I woke up today...and I feel like I have a hangover. Or...rather what I imagine a hangover would feel like, since I've never had one and never plan on having one. My head is killing me, I'm hungry, my eyes hurt, my stomach hurts and I can't tell if I have to throw up or not.
I can honestly say I now believe why people say that love is the slowest form of suicide.
I would go to hell and back before letting go...but now it seems I may have to.
You asked me to try...and I am. But it's hard and it hurts way more than I ever could imagine.
If I had to explain the feeling...I'd say...you know in the movie Interview with the Vampire...when Louis is turned...and his body is dying...and it looks excrutiatingly painful...
That is a visual of what I feel inside. I honestly feel like throwing myself off the roof or out of a moving car, but I won't. I am not that stupid and I will not give up like that.
What I want more than ever right now is to go home and crawl into bed and lay there till I feel better.
Ugh...feeling like this is making even the most simple of tasks hardly possible. I'm sitting here trying to peel date due labels off of vhs cases and for some reason I have to try 2-3 times before it comes off. I think I'm going to try and go home early today. I need to.

Your body’s warm
But you are not
You give a little
Not a lot
You coup your love
Until we kiss
You’re all I want
But not like this
I’m watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black
Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn’t mine
You left and it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

I cannot tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away
Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall
I’m watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
No, no, no
It’s only your shadow
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon

It’s only your shadow

So yeah...I'm so sick of people being assy to me for no reason. It's like...anything I say I have to be careful or else I might make you mad or set you off and then you will get pissy at me and I sit there not knowing what I've done and it makes me feel like shit.
All of you just stop it.
I had to go Staples and exchange the b/w cartridge I accidentally got last night for a color one. It's not my fault :/ there were like 1102938104124015480325 moms and whiny ass kids buying school shit.
I'm just so sick of not being held at night...and yeah it may sound like I'm just bitching and whining...but I can't help it. I want to be held at night and wake up in the morning knowing someone cares about me. I want someone there telling me I'm beautiful so maybe...one day I'll believe it
I deposited the money today in my account so I just hope everything is okay. I put an extra $20 in so I would have a balance.
I wish money was not so important.
I have like $65 left and I want to go and buy one of those recorder things, not sure if i want the digital kind or the tape kind....I imagine the digital ones are more expensive. I think I'm going to run over to Best Buy and Circuit City...and maybe 6th Ave.
I have this plan...but I'm not entirely sure how well it's working. I don't know if he likes me and I don't want to just IM him or call him and be like...Hey you...let's hook up...I like you way more than I probably should. So please like me back that much. I wish I knew things...I wish I knew if he liked me even just a little bit. I wish if someone had feelings for me...even the smallest feelings...that they would say something to me. Just something like..."Hey Sarah I think I kind of like you" then I can either say "hey I like you too what do we do now?" or..."i'm sorry I just...dont feel that way about you"
Someone just please....save me...I don't want to be alone...I've been alone for so long even when I was with him.
Thanks in advance Mr. Knight in Shining Armor on a Gallant White Stallion.

I was in the middle of writing a really nice long entry about my vacation...and then aol closed.
Screw you.
Anyway...my brother made NJAC's defensive player of the week with 14 tackles including 2 sacks. KU beat The Apprentice School 17-14 in overtime.
Before the game we went to Williamsburg, VA and I got a bonnet and maybe I'll take pics of me wearing it, but it looks really silly. After the game we took off to Virginia Beach for dinner. I showed my parents the hotel I stayed at last time I was there. It's right on the ocean. I tried to get in touch with Victoria because we were supposed to meet up at some point during the time I was down there, but it never happened because Cory is a fucking piece of shit douchebag that wouldn't get off the computer so she could get her messages and/or use the phone. But anyways we(my family and I) ate at Giovanni's and it was really good stuff. Then we went back to the hotel and set off for our Ghost Tour thingy in Williamsburg. That was okay...not as scary as I thought it would be. I think it actually ended up being the Legend tour because 3 ladies just told stories and we had to say afterwards if we thought it was true, from the newspapers, a legend, etc...
I'm at work now and I really don't want to be.
Lame.
I don't want to be alone forever.
I just want someone to hold me and tell me they love me and kiss my forhead. Is that really so much to ask?

today

I made my blog pretty. Yay.
Maybe...just maybe...I'll write in here more often.
Considering only one person knows about this thing ;)
I'm at work...gone over my break time but I don't care because there's nothing for me to do.
Well...really that's a lie.
There's a lot, but I don't want to do it.
Plus...I don't feel well.
Alright. Better get back to it before my boss comes out here and pops a vein.
:(
ciao

...