anything you ask of me...

All I want, all I ever wanted
Just one kiss, just one touch
You are my angel, my safety
I reach for you when I'm alone
You take me in your arms
You hold me until I am calm
Anything you ask of me
You know I will glady do
You've saved me from demons,
From harm, time and again
Now I ask one thing of you
A mere touch of your lips to mine
I'm sure that's all it is to you
To me it's everything I've dreamed of
With that I will be happy
Happiest I've been in a long while
Thank you
My angel, for watching over me.

I woke up today...and I feel like I have a hangover. Or...rather what I imagine a hangover would feel like, since I've never had one and never plan on having one. My head is killing me, I'm hungry, my eyes hurt, my stomach hurts and I can't tell if I have to throw up or not.
I can honestly say I now believe why people say that love is the slowest form of suicide.
I would go to hell and back before letting go...but now it seems I may have to.
You asked me to try...and I am. But it's hard and it hurts way more than I ever could imagine.
If I had to explain the feeling...I'd say...you know in the movie Interview with the Vampire...when Louis is turned...and his body is dying...and it looks excrutiatingly painful...
That is a visual of what I feel inside. I honestly feel like throwing myself off the roof or out of a moving car, but I won't. I am not that stupid and I will not give up like that.
What I want more than ever right now is to go home and crawl into bed and lay there till I feel better.
Ugh...feeling like this is making even the most simple of tasks hardly possible. I'm sitting here trying to peel date due labels off of vhs cases and for some reason I have to try 2-3 times before it comes off. I think I'm going to try and go home early today. I need to.

Your body’s warm
But you are not
You give a little
Not a lot
You coup your love
Until we kiss
You’re all I want
But not like this
I’m watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black
Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn’t mine
You left and it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

I cannot tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away
Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall
I’m watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
No, no, no
It’s only your shadow
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon

It’s only your shadow

So yeah...I'm so sick of people being assy to me for no reason. It's like...anything I say I have to be careful or else I might make you mad or set you off and then you will get pissy at me and I sit there not knowing what I've done and it makes me feel like shit.
All of you just stop it.
I had to go Staples and exchange the b/w cartridge I accidentally got last night for a color one. It's not my fault :/ there were like 1102938104124015480325 moms and whiny ass kids buying school shit.
I'm just so sick of not being held at night...and yeah it may sound like I'm just bitching and whining...but I can't help it. I want to be held at night and wake up in the morning knowing someone cares about me. I want someone there telling me I'm beautiful so maybe...one day I'll believe it
I deposited the money today in my account so I just hope everything is okay. I put an extra $20 in so I would have a balance.
I wish money was not so important.
I have like $65 left and I want to go and buy one of those recorder things, not sure if i want the digital kind or the tape kind....I imagine the digital ones are more expensive. I think I'm going to run over to Best Buy and Circuit City...and maybe 6th Ave.
I have this plan...but I'm not entirely sure how well it's working. I don't know if he likes me and I don't want to just IM him or call him and be like...Hey you...let's hook up...I like you way more than I probably should. So please like me back that much. I wish I knew things...I wish I knew if he liked me even just a little bit. I wish if someone had feelings for me...even the smallest feelings...that they would say something to me. Just something like..."Hey Sarah I think I kind of like you" then I can either say "hey I like you too what do we do now?" or..."i'm sorry I just...dont feel that way about you"
Someone just please....save me...I don't want to be alone...I've been alone for so long even when I was with him.
Thanks in advance Mr. Knight in Shining Armor on a Gallant White Stallion.

I was in the middle of writing a really nice long entry about my vacation...and then aol closed.
Screw you.
Anyway...my brother made NJAC's defensive player of the week with 14 tackles including 2 sacks. KU beat The Apprentice School 17-14 in overtime.
Before the game we went to Williamsburg, VA and I got a bonnet and maybe I'll take pics of me wearing it, but it looks really silly. After the game we took off to Virginia Beach for dinner. I showed my parents the hotel I stayed at last time I was there. It's right on the ocean. I tried to get in touch with Victoria because we were supposed to meet up at some point during the time I was down there, but it never happened because Cory is a fucking piece of shit douchebag that wouldn't get off the computer so she could get her messages and/or use the phone. But anyways we(my family and I) ate at Giovanni's and it was really good stuff. Then we went back to the hotel and set off for our Ghost Tour thingy in Williamsburg. That was okay...not as scary as I thought it would be. I think it actually ended up being the Legend tour because 3 ladies just told stories and we had to say afterwards if we thought it was true, from the newspapers, a legend, etc...
I'm at work now and I really don't want to be.
Lame.
I don't want to be alone forever.
I just want someone to hold me and tell me they love me and kiss my forhead. Is that really so much to ask?

today

I made my blog pretty. Yay.
Maybe...just maybe...I'll write in here more often.
Considering only one person knows about this thing ;)
I'm at work...gone over my break time but I don't care because there's nothing for me to do.
Well...really that's a lie.
There's a lot, but I don't want to do it.
Plus...I don't feel well.
Alright. Better get back to it before my boss comes out here and pops a vein.
:(
ciao