I...have been having really horrible dreams lately.
Every night there is restless sleep.
I really can't remember them, but I know that they make me want to stay asleep to end them.
I wake up feeling rushed and drained and lost.
All I remember from any of them is people hating me so much they want to hurt me.
I woke up today wishing I didn't have to work and could go back to sleep.
This all started New Years Eve. Those closest to me know what happened that day.
They can't leave me alone...I'm not safe even in sleep.
It's only January 8th. How am I going to make it through the whole month?
I want to feel safe. I want someone to hold me and tell me it'll all work out right and I'll be okay.

In other news...I think that I am going to audition for the tv show Starting Over. Because...I need to. I need to start over. I'm going to make my tape tomorrow and send it in on Monday. I hope it works out that they need a story like mine. Blah...it probably won't. But I guess all I can do is wait and see.

I have a long way to go...but I'm trying

You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how do to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?

And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
All this pain, does it go away?

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you, to you

From memory, there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere, trying not to care

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew

To you, I wish you everythin'
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes, oh
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come, oh, and I'll move on

I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way to go, got a long way I know
Before I can say goodbye, before I say goodbye
To all I ever knew, to all I ever knew
I got a long, I got a long, long way to go, long way to go
Before I can say, before I say, goodbye to you
Say goodbye, say goodbye
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
Girl, I wish you the best I know, oh and all of the rest, to you
I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you...