Think about this... You might not realize it, but its 100% true

1. At least 2 people in this world LOVE you so much they would DIE for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in the same way.

3. The only reason anyone could ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A SMILE from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special&unique.

9. Someone you don't even know exsists, loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look; you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have a chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, if you BELIEVE in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you recieve.
FORGET the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel so much better when they know.

15. If you have a GREAT FRIEND, take the time to let them know that they will feel great. Add this as a comment to ten of ur friends tonight and at midnight your true love will find you. Something good will happen to you at 2:25 tomorrow. Get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Whoever breaks this chain letter will be cursed within 10 relationship problems for the next 10 years.

She stood at the side of the bed looking down at him. He certainly was a beautiful creature, wasn't he.  She stared at him silently, watching the rise and fall of his chest, listening to the breath escape his lips. She thought to herself that he looked pretty uncomfortable in that position he was in.  She bent down, picked his crumpled shirt off the floor and tossed it onto the bed beside him making sure she didn't dirty her white gloves.  She turned her back to him and tiptoed quietly to the mirror.


He opened his eyes and looked at her from the bed. He wished he'd told her how he felt sooner...he would've had more time to hold her.  He watched her as she took her lipstick from her clutch and painted her lips that crimson he loved.  His eyes glanced at the same crimson color that now made a strange pattern on his shirt.  He sent his gaze back to her as he tried to remember, as she was slipping her shoes on, her hand on the door handle.  He coughed.

She felt like she was walking away from the one thing that would make her happy her entire life...and she hated herself for it. He was the closest she would ever get to Jimmy and she would never forgive herself for turning and walking out that door. But she had to know for sure. She had to know that he was really gone.  With her hand on the door handle, she glanced back to the bed.  He coughed. 

They were two people, so perfect together, but so broken when they were apart.  She loved him from the moment they met, but she would never let him know that. She stood outside the door wondering if she should go back in.

She didn't know this, but when the door clicked shut his heart was shattered into a million pieces.  He would never get over her.  It ruined him.

so well...its been like a long time since i wrote in here.
no one knows about this journal except like 1 person...but I still write in here.
I talked to someone I haven't talked to in months tonight. I miss my Robbit, but he got a life now what with getting married to Kevin and they bought a house! I'm so happy for him cause he's finally happy. During our convo his phone died, so i gotta call him back tomorrow, but I'm just so glad I got to talk to him for whatever time I did today. After his phone died I kinda passed out and just woke up like 10 mins ago. I have to go right back to bed though because I have to get up early. I am so overwhelmed by this new system at work, it's really hard to stay sane at the moment, but I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, huh...
I really wish I could escape right now...but I have no where to go, no one to run to, no one to comfort me. I miss that feeling really bad. Maybe...once I get through this bullshit I'll get that feeling like if I can get through this...I can get through anything. This is seriously one of the most stressful times I've ever experienced and I don't see it getting any easier right away.
I'm going back to bed now...goodnight.

So I don't know what is wrong with me...why the guys I've liked since Jesse...which has been since November...don't like me back. Am I too fat? Too ugly? Too nice? Not skanky enough? I don't get it.
I just want someone to find something special in me...and to like me for me without me having to change myself.
I cried for a few hours today because I'm just so fed up with my life and how things are around here and I skipped work today because I'm so freaking fucked up.
I just fucking wish some guy could say to me "hey i like you because you're awesome. you're beautiful, not only on the outside, but on the inside too" like...not in those exact words of course cause guys don't talk like that, that I know of...but in their way of saying it.
I asked someone last night if he'd be my boyfriend for the rest of the night...it waslike 11:50 when I asked him...he said no though. I told him I like him...cause I do. But I guess once again I'm not good enough.
I wish I could house sit for some rich people.
I'm exhausted and today...I wanted to see what would happen if I went in the river. See if anyone would save me...or if anyone would care.
I think I'm falling pretty damn fast and there's no one there to catch me...
It's too late.

hmmmmm

I...have been having really horrible dreams lately.
Every night there is restless sleep.
I really can't remember them, but I know that they make me want to stay asleep to end them.
I wake up feeling rushed and drained and lost.
All I remember from any of them is people hating me so much they want to hurt me.
I woke up today wishing I didn't have to work and could go back to sleep.
This all started New Years Eve. Those closest to me know what happened that day.
They can't leave me alone...I'm not safe even in sleep.
It's only January 8th. How am I going to make it through the whole month?
I want to feel safe. I want someone to hold me and tell me it'll all work out right and I'll be okay.

In other news...I think that I am going to audition for the tv show Starting Over. Because...I need to. I need to start over. I'm going to make my tape tomorrow and send it in on Monday. I hope it works out that they need a story like mine. Blah...it probably won't. But I guess all I can do is wait and see.

I have a long way to go...but I'm trying

You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how do to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?

And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
All this pain, does it go away?

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you, to you

From memory, there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere, trying not to care

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew

To you, I wish you everythin'
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes, oh
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come, oh, and I'll move on

I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way to go, got a long way I know
Before I can say goodbye, before I say goodbye
To all I ever knew, to all I ever knew
I got a long, I got a long, long way to go, long way to go
Before I can say, before I say, goodbye to you
Say goodbye, say goodbye
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
Girl, I wish you the best I know, oh and all of the rest, to you
I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you...